Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You dont lie about slip and slides
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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