The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
