just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there is puke in my bra ... again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
