lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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