I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
