So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
