two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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