i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
