I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
