she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
