Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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