We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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