I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
