The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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