You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
