You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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