I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize