First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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