i think my tv is drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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