i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
