Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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