3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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