I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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