Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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