things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize