My room smells like vodka and shame
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize