how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize