we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
