she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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