I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
