I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
