wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
