The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
