Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
