wrigley field is MILF paradise
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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