All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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