Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The air was thick with penises
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
