I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
