i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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