Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
