Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
