Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize