Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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