I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
