Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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