he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
