Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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