I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
