Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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