Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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