Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
