upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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