I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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