I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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