Only a mothe r could love this liver
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
