oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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