i just wanna soil my oats bro
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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