if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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