i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
