4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
