I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
