don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
