I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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