For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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