Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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