oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
