cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
