I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
