Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
